My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
