just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
