I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
