I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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