party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
