I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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