She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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