I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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