I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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