are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
