i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
