oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
