You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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