I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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