I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
