I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
