Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
