Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
