yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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