dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
