you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
