He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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