i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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