she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
