you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
