From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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