At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
