The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
