I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
