i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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