there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We are two peas in an std pod
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
