Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
