Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
