Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
