I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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