we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
