He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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