I got chris browned last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think your dad took our porno
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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