just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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