I'm going to jail i love you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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