Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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