I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
