thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The air taste purple.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
