im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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