glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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