If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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