1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
