my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
