guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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