this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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